It’s Valentine’s Day, a day full of love all around. Here is a selection of funny jokes that will take you away from the boring romantic quotes of the traditional Valentine’s Day celebration.
Love must be shared by giving smiles to those with no dates today since not all people are in love.
This list of funny Valentine’s Day quotes is the perfect way to add a splash of humor to the special day.
Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes
#1 “Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” ( Natasha Leggero )
#2 “It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.” ( Lucille Ball )
#3 “I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too—for being married so many times.”
( Elizabeth Taylor )
#4 “I was married by a judge. I should’ve asked for a jury.” ( Groucho Marx )
#5 “If you love them in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love them at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” ( Miles Davis )
#6 “Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age—as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.”
( Phyllis Diller )
#7 “Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on x-rays, but you know it’s there.” ( George Burns )
#8 “Look, there’s no metaphysics on earth like chocolates.” ( Fernando Pessoa )
#9 “An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” ( Agatha Christie )
#10 “Remember, your Valentine’s card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you’re too lazy to put it in your own words.” ( Melanie White )
#11 A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” ( Tim Allen )
#12 The brain is a magnificent organ, it works 24/7 from the day you’re born until the day you fall in love.
( Sophie Monroe )
#13 “Valentine’s Day Money-Saving Tips: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.”
( David Letterman )
#14 “He or she lucky enough to have a lover in frigid, antsy February has cause for celebration, indeed.”
( Tom Robbins )
#15 “I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours, I watched whatever I wanted on TV.” ( Tracy Smith )
#16 “The thing about Valentine’s day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of.”
( Faye Morgan )
#17 “You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps.” ( Roseanne Barr )
#18 You’re never alone on Valentine’s Day if you’re near a lake and have bread. ( Mike Primavera )
#19 Valentine, just a few words to tell you how I love you. I have loved you since the first day I saw you. Whenever that was. ( Charles M. Schulz )
#20 “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” ( Albert Einstein )
#21 “It’s fun to complain with someone. Nothing brings us together more than complaining about other people. That might be the thing that holds us together more than anything.” ( Lew Schneider )
#22 “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” ( Oprah Winfrey )
#23 “Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.” ( David Sedaris )
#24 “A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love.” ( Friedrich Nietzsche )
#25 “Oh, here’s an idea: Let’s make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine’s Day. That’s not weird at all.” ( Jimmy Fallon )
#26 “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” ( Joan Crawford )
#27 “Love thy neighbor—and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.” ( Mae West )
#28 “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” ( Rita Rudner )
#29 “Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy’s arm behind his back. NOW who’s asking the questions?” ( Jack Handey )
#30 “I married for love. But the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find your glasses cannot be ignored.” ( Cameron Esposito )
#31 “Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby—awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.” ( Lemony Snicket )
#32 “Love is an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.” ( Jules Renard )
#33 The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.
( Cher )
#34 “Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” ( Will Ferrell )
#35 “True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.” ( Mindy Kaling )
We hope you enjoyed reading these funny Valentine’s Day quotes. You can use one of these funny Valentine’s Day quotes to make your partner laugh.