28 Funny Christmas Quotes to Jingle Your Bells This Holiday Season

Let’s sleigh the season with laughter! As we celebrate the holidays, we should be filled with joy, love, and a little bit of holiday humor. Whether you’re looking to lighten the mood during family gatherings, spice up your holiday cards, or just need a chuckle while wrapping gifts.

These 25 funny Christmas quotes are guaranteed to jingle your bells. Dive in and let the festive giggles begin!

Funny Christmas Quotes

• ” Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip. ” Gary Allan

• ” I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights. ” Maya Angelou

• ” Santa Claus had the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” Victor Borge

• ” Bloody Christmas, here again, let us raise a loving cup, peace on earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up. ” Wendy Cope

• ” Now you listen to me, young lady. Even if we’re horribly mangled, there’ll be no sad faces on Christmas. ” How the Grinch Stole Christmas

• ” I hate, loathe and despise Christmas. It’s a time when single people have to take cover or get out of town. ” Kristin Hunter

• “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” Elf

• “I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” Henny Youngman

• ” Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard. ” Andy Borowitz

• ” Keep your friends close, your enemies closer and receipts for all major purchases.” Bridger Winegar

• ” Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” Kin Hubbard

• ” It’s easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.” Craig Ferguson

• ” Christmas is awesome. First of all, you got to spend time with people you love. Secondly, you can get drunk and no one can say anything. ” The Office

• ” Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal. ” Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

• ” I can’t get the antlers glued to this little guy. We tried Crazy Glue, but it didn’t work. ” Scrooged

• ” The perfect Christmas gift for a sportscaster, as all fans of sports clichés know, is a scoreless tie. ” William Safire

• ” I am a poor man, but I would gladly give ten shillings to find out who sent me the insulting Christmas card I received this morning. ” George Grossmith

• ” My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we’re having a change. We’re going to let her in. ” Les Dawson

• ” Remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt. ” Dave Barry

• ” That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.” Jerry Seinfeld

• ” They’re a little weird. They don’t believe in gifts or Christmas trees. And they think Santa’s how Satan spells his name when he wants to trick us. ” Ted Mosby, “How I Met Your Mother “

• ” There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right? ” Conan O’Brien

• ” What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. ” Phyllis Diller

• ” There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.” Bob Phillips

• ” The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. ” Joan Rivers

• ” I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.” Bernard Manning

• ” Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” Melanie White

• ” Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas. You know, the birth of Santa? “Matt Groening

Useful Links

30 Best Christmas Movie Quotes That Warm Your Heart